Saturday, August 26, 2006

BJJ Types Part 1

From Gumby's OnTheMat blog

Which one are you/recognise anyone?

Pre-Excuse Guy:

This guy has to tell you of every ailment, injury, pain, he has in his body, to not allow you to attack those areas. “Oh dude, my (insert body part) been hurting, so no (insert submission) today” Sometimes this guy goes into pre excuse emotional problems he has, and how it will affect his training. If he’s been really ****ty on the mat lately, it’s because he broke up with his girl, and he’ll let you know about it, so you understand why he stinks.

The Laugher:

This guy rolls with you and is constantly laughing at everything to make the roll so friendly that you won’t push any competition against him, or hurt him in anyway. You’re rolling and get by the wall, “Hahahaha…. dude we’re way too close to the wall, I didn’t want us to go through the wall….hahahaha…could u imagine, kaplosh!! Then we went through the wall and everyone would look and be like OH **** THEY WENT THROUGH THE WALL..Hahahaha” Your best friend (Talker)- This guy is very similar in his thinking, to the laugher. As soon as you start rolling, this guy wants to know what you did over the weekend, what you’ve been up to, how you’re great with the ladies, and your good at bjj… Again this guy thinks being overly friendly prevents competition.

Drama Guy:

This guy is somewhat tough, but as you push the rolling, sometimes your feet hit his head (incidental), or you go for a cross face, and everything you do is a HUGE injury to him. He constantly stops training to let you know that your finger almost touched his eye, and how he needs a 5 minute timeout, because it left him completely in a daze…he’s confused at where he’s at now. This guy I hate the most, because he literally kills training with all the drama he puts into every tiny incidental contact.

The other day in class, there was this guy who got a bit winded after tapping to a choke. He sat down, slightly confused, then asked to borrow a phone so he could “get some advice”. Someone obliges him, and the next thing you know the guy dials 911! He drives himself to the hospital, or course they find nothing wrong (maybe he should have seen a shrink.)

Practice Hero:

This guy stinks, so you roll easy with him, and he’s convinced he can “come up” in the rankings by tapping you, so he’ll go wild out and try hit some crazy heel hook in an effort to get noticed in the class, and loved by the teacher. He trains balls out with zero technique….he wants to be noticed by the entire class

The UG Guy:

This dude never trains but comes in every couple of weeks to let you know all the updated info he has on the MMA game, and how he knows so much more than you do about what’s going on with rival teams in Brazil.

There are some folks who know more about thepolitics and behind the scenes action than I do in class. Bad enough for me as this is what I do for a living.

Dominic’s Apprentice:

goes to class 4-5 days a week, works his ass off. But no matter how hard he tries he just doesn’t get any better. He’ll get caught in the exact same armbar 10 times a roll. He still can’t defend the triangle choke. And he gets mounted by everyone.

“Gotta Go” Guy:

This guy always “has to go somewhere” at the exact moment when class shifts from technique/drills to rolling. “Yeah, I got a conference call in two hours…”

Reformed Gangster:

This guy usually turns out in the long run to be the coolest, but the biggest douche bag in the short run. This guy covers all forms of troublemakers or gangsters. He’s a cholo who thinks he’s a badass cuz his vario is tough. He’s a black guy who thinks he’s a badass because he’s black. He’s a white guy who thinks he can kick ass because he gets faded on the weekends and starts fights with guys at a trashy bar. Each one of these guys comes in with a huge chip on their shoulder, and they get HUMBLED so quickly. After tapping them 6 ways to Sunday every rolling session, as the months go by (if they continue to train), they completely lose their hard gangster persona…. its funny to see the transition of some cholos to just a tough ass calm dude down the line….

The “Instructor” :

rolls around like any other guy and can have any skill-level but when you finally get his back and struggle to choke the **** outa him he goes wait, you’ve got wrong mechanics… wait you gotta do like this.. More like that etc. He lets you understand that he didn’t get caught and he’s not about to get the **** choked out of him, in fact he’s just in the process of showing you how to choke.

The All Hat No Cattle Guy:

Has every PRIDE and UFC on tape, has every BJJ book ever published, every BJJ instructional video/DVD ever produced, has a wide range of gis to choose from, has at least 10,000 posts on the UG, can recite the contents of from memory, and sucks at BJJ; will be awarded a blue belt in about ten years out of pity.

The “Good ****” Guy:

He’s similar to the instructor, in that he can’t accept tapping….so if you are transitioning to a triangle choke, and he’s kind of sunk, but before you fully finish the hold, he’ll tap and give it to you. This guy always taps on the transition to a move, not the move itself, and says “Good ****” like he let u catch him….and considering he didn’t tap when you completely had the choke sunk in, you didn’t really beat him.

The “Let’s Go Light” Guy:

who then proceeds to decapitate you and tear you limb from limp with neck cranks and head squeezes

The Gasser:

Goes all-out for 30 secs and blows his wad. Then taps when u get a dominant position

The “This Is My First Lesson” Guy:

which translates to ‘this is my first lesson here’ but I was an NCAA div 1 wrestling champ and trained in Brazil for a few years


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